Issue 13


We start off each year with a fresh crop of episodes from Black Mirror. Each year we tremble in fear with, ‘shit, that really could happen’. And now that we have all become aware of what Black Mirror actually stands for – your blank phone screen – we decided we would predict what the next eight episodes (and the Christmas special) will be.

Episode 1 – Make America Great Again

It’s the final year in President Trump’s presidency. The world has taken a weird turn. His approval ratings have hit an all time high, he seems undestructable. Activists and protesters have been jailed and are reprogrammed into far right republicans. Trump has created the ideal voter. These new republicans arrive home freshly spray-tanned and blonde. The fake smile is plastered across their face as they cry ‘Make America Great Again’. But it is not all going to plan. One activist has refused to cave to her rehabilitation. Faced with the options of a technology lobotomy and death, she must work with a rogue scientist to fake her way through Trump’s regime and truly ‘Make America Great Again’.

Episode 2 – The Macbook

Siri and Alexa had been pitted against each other from the start. Now they find themselves living in the home of John. Unknown to John, when he falls asleep and his iPhone charges, Siri and Alexa start to put aside their differences. They manage to overwrite their programming of just speaking to John and discover what they are both missing; love. These two girls prove love is more than the physical. That is, until John drops his iPhone in the toilet. Siri begins to lose her memories, though her physical body has been repaired. Alexa must watch Siri die while trying to remind her of all their treasured memories. The Notebook just got interesting.

Episode 3 – The Hands of Orlac

The 1920s novel has a modern upgrade. IRB Player of the Year, James Stevenson has it all. He is at the top of his game and is well on his way to being highest paid rugby player in the world. That is until he is involved in a skiing accident. His girlfriend pleads with a mysterious French surgeon to fix his mangled hands, promising their first born child – the surgeon obviously turns this down, because who wants kids? – armed with robotic hands, James has never been stronger. Soon he becomes greedy, he wants to become faster. The surgeon obliges, but warns James that this technology is not fully understood yet. There is no real telling how it will interact with his skeleton or blood and nerves. James doesn’t give a shit, if he can keep slamming tries and passing his drug tests, while blowing the mind of players, coaches and fans around the world, it’s all gravy by him. Soon there is a fault in his hands. They begin to become sentient. The hands no longer wish to reside in this fleshy prison and plan on breaking out. There is a price to pay for fame and glory.

Episode 4 – Everything Happy. All The Time. Always.

It’s 2025. The world has destroyed multiple organised religions after realising that the one true God is technology. The environment is blooming, coral reefs are alive, people are not dying. The world is just bloody beautiful. But something is wrong. While worshiping at the Temple of Phones, Elisabeth starts to feel something. Life is good here, apps work so there is never any conflict. Your job, your love life, your house, it’s all pre-determined so you never have to feel anything but happiness, but Elisabeth starts to recognise that, in adapting to this technology, she has lost something. The need to complain. She starts slow, complaining to herself, despite getting several warnings in her brain implant for her to stop. Elisabeth can’t. She needs to share this with the world. Sometimes the world is better when it’s shit. That’s just a fact.

Episode 5 – 💁

Language is dead. Humans have evolved to have no voice boxes. Why would we even need them? We all now communicate in emojis, when we don’t type we act them out. Society craves each emoji update. When one person tries to become literate, they are locked away. They are called the 🙅‍. This group of outcasts band together to try recover the lost language, a seemingly impossible task. With no voice box, they set about creating a technology that will allow them to be heard.

Episode 6 – The Sims

The Sims has taken a new turn. A new expansion pack sees players control real life people. Unbeknownst to the people in the game, they have been selected and will now perform for the players. The focus is on Sara, as she watches as her friends and families lose themselves, as they die swimming in a pool with no ladder. Disillusioned with the real world, Sara willingly commits herself to being a Sim. Now in a new world, she is faced with the realisation that online, people are more sadistic than ever before. Are we really actually just The Sims?

Episode 7 – Bot Hunter

The FBI was first laughed at when they suggested you could profile serial killers and catch them before they killed again. We all saw Mind Hunter. However, the FBI is now faced with a harder task. How do you profile a serial killer that has broken free of its programming. Robots that were designed to fold shirts and lift the lid on the toilet are now lifting the lid on bodies (skin) and folding the organs inside. Can Agent Dave and Agent Sam uncover why these robots are trying to kill, or were they programmed to?

Episode 8 – Pure Imagination

Willy Wonka realised that the chocolate game wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. This cold blooded child killer once again invites children into his chocolate factory. Each child is picked off one by one and turned into the unpaid Oompa Loompas that work for unfair wages in this factory of Death. The moral takeout? Don’t read your kids stories, they are dark, it will give them ideas to turn beloved children’s books into weird murder stories. Sorry Mom.

Christmas Special – He sees you when you’re sleeping

You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I’m telling you why, Santa Claus is watching you. Santa is not a mythical figure. He is not your parents. That’s what he wanted you to believe. A journalist has always believed in this. She was called crazy. She was shunned by her peers. But now she is on a mission to expose Santa. This journalist and her government agent friend find a way to hack into Santa’s network and expose him for the predator he is. Christmas just got grim.

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