Thinkhouse

YOUTH 07

Dominatrix An Li

Young people are way more open to exploring their sexuality today.

An Li is 26 years old and has been a Pro-Domme for almost four years. Having started in 2013, it wasn’t something An Li had considered before: “My roommate recommended me to someone looking for a dominatrix. She knows me pretty well and, even though I had never expressed interest in being a dominatrix, thought it would be a good match. She told me it was a paid gig, and I had a job that I was looking to get out of at the time, so I agreed and talked to the guy in question.”

An Li made the jump and got into the world of Domination, going from purely her own sexual experiences to sharing the desires of someone else. “I was completely up for all the activities he had inquired about, but I didn't know what things I could do in good conscience nor did I know how to handle the business side of things. I had a Fetlife account already, so I went on there and did some research on how to become a Pro-Domme.”

There is naturally a huge difference between what you do at home, and what you do in a dungeon. This isn’t something that you can just stroll into, it does require training and guidance. “I found out that in the US, most Dominatrices apprentice at dungeons before going independent, so I found the closest dungeon from me and apprenticed there for a bit.”

An Li is very open to what her clients wish to do, and they mostly fit in with her own interests. “I have quite a few interests! Some of my favorites are heavy bondage, corporal punishment, CBT, toilet play, and humiliation.” And for those of you who are starting to take a bit of an interest now, just know that nothing is too “weird”. An Li says that, “Everything is weird and nothing is.” That’s a pretty powerful statement for people who are beginning to explore their own personal kinks. But An Li has strict rules too. A Dominatrix is not a prostitute. Sex is not on the cards.

With sessions running from an hour to a couple of days, this is a full time job that seems like a whole lot of fun. “I enjoy my sessions quite a bit but I do not ‘get off’ in the most conventional sense. It's more of a cerebral turn-on and an adrenaline rush than anything else.”

But of course, with the rise of that book and movie franchise which shall not be named, there are a lot of misconceptions around the BDSM world. “Dominatrices can be quite nice. A good Dominatrix doesn't need to raise her voice to command respect. Hollywood representations of a screaming Dominatrix losing her temper on a slave are pretty inaccurate of most Pro-Dommes.”

There is also a lot of confusion around what the difference between a submissive and a slave is. Luckily An Li shed some light on that for us. Submissives and slaves exist on a submission continuum, with slaves at the most extreme end, submissives somewhere in the middle, and fetishists/kinksters at the least submissive. According to An Li, “A slave implies a more enthusiastic commitment to submission, whether to a person or to a gender/sexuality or group, whereas a submissive just denotes personal BDSM orientation. I would not call any submissive my slave unless they have expressed a specific commitment to serving me.”

We asked An Li if she had seen attitudes towards BDSM change since she became a Dominatrix? “I think as a general whole, the US has been becoming a bit more liberal with their sexuality (which isn't saying that much since we are pretty puritanical).” But, just like flared corduroy pants and shell suits, fetishes and kinks go in and out of style. “BDSM itself goes in and out of fashion in pop culture every couple of decades, but people are as a general whole are more accepting of it when it does come back in style.”

Feeling a little hot under the collar? Want to know what else An Li has to offer? Check out http://www.losangelesasiandominatrix.com/playtime/ for a full list of the delights in store.

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